Dustin's Blog

tic toc goes my mellon

2006-10-22T21:25:00.000-07:00

just a realization i've had over the past few times i've spent driving and admiring the sunsets over the newly harvested fields and late night starry skies. for quite a few years now i've noticed that almost everytime i find myself admiring the things i love to admire............the ocean at night, a perfect indiana sunset on the lake........even a lightning storm on a humid summer night, i also find myself with this feeling inside of me. that although i treasure these amazing moments when God reveals himself to me, there's a longing inside of me to share these moments and share the effects they have on me and my heart with someone. It's really hit me lately and in the past couple weeks that i think and feel i'm so ready to find someone to share these moments and all the other parts of my life with. Just in the past week and a half or so though, God's really showed me that i still have some things to learn about admiring the beauty of his creation, nature and especially the beauty of a woman and definitely the beauty and gentleness of her heart. I recognized that i've felt like i've been ready to find someone at other times in my life. just because i'm out of college and starting a new page in my life doesn't mean i'm ready to take on the amazing creation that is a woman and her heart. God is still molding me to be the man that i need to be for the woman i'll spend the rest of my life with. I guess i'm just realizing that God has been trying to tell me not to rush things, especially in this aspect. because when you rush all things in life you miss the sweetness that is what makes things so sweet in the first place........if you follow. i think this is especially true when it comes to relationships and indefinitely true about romantic relationships. Discovering a woman and the intricasies of her heart is meant to be an adventure taken together with whoever that person is God places in your life. I'd be lying if i said sometimes i simply don't think about it that way because so often i just want it to happen. the weather gets a chill and the leaves turn and i want someone be warm with and enjoy the color in the trees and do everything with, right down to enjoying cooking dinner with and listening to christmas music in october with....lol, yes i do love christmas time. But I need to just be reminded sometimes, through praying or reading or just bein by myself sometimes that God sustains me and is molding me into the man that he intended me to be, for myself and for some amazing woman that i'll be able to be an amazing man too. i guess i just wanted to encourage any of you guys who have maybe had the same feelings or sometimes try to rush or push the issue with dating relationships. Remember to take a deep breathe, look around, hold hands and kiss on the cheak. Just enjoy the ride of life God has intended for you. Enough rambling for me for a night. I'm out

where i am.....or is it, where am i?

2006-10-08T20:25:00.000-07:00

it's been so so soooo long since i've written in here and i thought maybe it was time to start again. thought maybe i could let you guys know where i am and maybe i might get a clue myself. recently i've rediscovered the power of reflection. not just reflecting on memories but reflecting on how those memories changed my life. it's funny but i don't think people ever really think of it this way, but the reflection of memories from your life is really just like the reflection of yourself in a calm water or a simple mirror.......but is a mirror or a reflection for that matter really simple? no way. God is really showing me/teaching me that those memories, good and bad, are his calm water or mirror that he's created for us to look at ourselves and essentially figure out who we are, who we want to be, where we are and where we want to be. somewhere along the line in this past year and a half or so, i think i forgot about the awe that God causes and demands. it's the awe i find in a fall sunset over a freshly harvested cornfield or a night lightning storm or any number of God's creations that remind me to reflect and look in my mirror in my head and heart to take a step back and just look at myself. it's truly an important attribute to have in life to be able to look at where you are in life and the person you've become and simply decide if it's where you wanna be and if you're who you wanna be. then it's funny, you start out by peering into the person you think you are to see what you want in life and what your life should be and somewhere in those moments it creeps up on you that it's not what you want to be or where you want to be or even who you want to be, but it's what you need to be, where you need to be, and most importantly who you should be based on the directions God gives you. I went to visit my grandma today for the first time in almost a year.............this is because to visit her i have to go to a cemetary and talk to a gravestone instead of her warming face. i placed her favorite flower on her gravestone, told her i missed her, kissed my fingers and placed them on her name. then i got back in my car and drove home. i simply went out to place some flowers and be alone with her for a moment, but not only did i do that, i left that place reflecting on my own life. Who i have and where i have been in the past, the man i am now as opposed to the man i want to be and most importantly the man i should be and am destined to be through God's will. i guess i just felt like this was blog was my way to start my way back to looking into the crystal clear water that is the memories i reflect upon. i hope you guys read this and take it as what it is, a reminder. take time once in awhile to reflect upon your lives. where you are, where you've been and where you need to be, as well as, who you are, who've you've been and most importantly who you're supposed to be. good night and God bless

Back in the day........

2005-09-19T11:51:00.000-07:00

It was the summer before my fifth grade year of elementary school and i had just moved to Poseyville, IN. I was started the year at a new school, north posey elementary school. I was the normal new kid, meeting new people here and there just trying to fit in. I came to school and was going about my shy business when all of the sudden..........there she was! Beautiful, popular, and even a cheerleader.....and she was nice to me, totally the perfect woman for me.......Angela Kemmerling....ahhhh. We met, became friends and to my delight my dream came true, eventually she became my girlfriend. We dated through fifth and sixth grade and it was great. even though some fool named johnathan green tried to get with her, we stayed strong! Me the starting point guard, her the head cheerleader. so meant to be together. she had me listen to i will always love you by whitney houston on the playground and we were even eventually married on that same playground with our friends matt, carrie, ryan, and dana......(wow, that's crazy). eventually the worst news ever came, i was moving again. we met at the baseball fields before i left and then i was gone. although i left we never really broke up, went without seeing or talking for 6 years till summer after our junior year where we met again at the state baseball finals in indy. it was destiny! we talked for awhile that day and stayed in contact for a bit. i even went back and visited our senior year. we finally had the talk and decided it was ok to date others and then went our ways to college. we still talk every once awhile and she's one of my oldest friends. it's not the same as it used to be, but i'll always remember and cherish the days that i was lucky enough to call angela kemmerling...............MY GIRLFRIEND.......i'm gone

blessings...........

2005-09-12T22:03:00.000-07:00

so i was just thinking tonight about where in the world i became a lil less infatuated with God lately. this thought finally came to me.......i found myself apologizing to God for letting the blessings he's given me blind or distract me from who actually gave the blessings to me in the first place. i think true joy doesn't come from being blessed, but rather knowing the One that blesses us. it's really knowing the heart or at least longing to know the heart of God that we understand how we really are blessed. now don't get me wrong, i don't think blessings from God are a bad thing at all. they're meant to be good for us, that's why God does those things, but we so often let ourselves ruin what God does by tryin to take those blessings and make them to fit exactly what we want. you've heard of blessings in disguise, well sometimes they really are. so i guess i'm just trying to say, always keep your focus on the blesser rather than the blessing. it will make life so much more easy and fulfilling.........i'm out

Late night roady chat

2005-02-20T19:36:00.000-08:00

so i'm driving to Xenia, OH. at like 1 in the morning with my buddy ole pal and we got on the topic of being in love and it ending. we were talkin and we both came upon this thought. being in love with someone is never supposed to limit what you do or who else you love later in life. there are always good and sad memories in a realtionship that doesn't work out, but love is never meant to hinder the things that are supposed to come your way that will brighten your life like you never knew possible. rather the only way to have the new things come to realization is to remember the amazing memories being in love brought you and thank God for the blessing those times were. i really believe it's when we dwell on the what might've beens or the sadness of the past that we limit the things God wants to show us or have us experience now and in the future. i really hope you're starting to realize that for yourself pal. sorry, it was a good convo and i thought you guys might find it interesting and maybe insightful as well. i'm gone

realized blessings

2005-01-17T14:22:00.000-08:00

so my christmas break was quite an eventful one. not in the way most of you would think either. while home over break i found out i have a disease called sclerosing cholingitis. i had been feeling a little under the weather for awhile and all of break and it just eventually got worse and worse. i ended up in the hospital with a tube,scissors,and a camera stuck down my throat. found out that i have scar tissue that's built up in my bile ducts and it's actually blocking the the duct so my liver can't get rid of all the junk that it's supposed to. so by the time i got to the hospital i was totally yellow, eyes and skin, i'd lost 10 pounds and my liver was even swollen...yeehaw. so now i have to have all these blood tests and get all this stuff checked out. doc tells me i'll have to have probably two permanent stints put in me to keep my ducts open and i'll be on meds from now till Jesus comes back. possibillity of needing a liver transplant down the line and blah blah blah. truth of the matter is, even though i try and make light of it, it's pretty serious stuff i suppose. which takes me to my realization. through this whole ordeal, God has just given me a divine peace about everything the whole time. i'd be lying if i said i wasn't scared when we couldn't find out what was wrong, but i never once freaked out or doubted that God was looking out for me. i know better than anyone that i've gone through a lot of crap that a kid shouldn't have to go through in my young life, but at the same time God's showed me over and over that he's always been there for me, and that while i have had to deal with things, there's always a positive spin God can put on a negative experience. through this past month of being sick God has shown me how many people actually care about me and how many people God has blessed me with as friends. i mean i know i have friends and people that care about me, but all too often i think we maybe take for granted those people instead of treating them like the gift they are from God. I'm so thankful that i've had the opportunity to see that. The second thing that i've gotten out of going through all this junk is learning to lean on God and trust him even more than i did before. i have this disease, yea so what, there's nothing i can do about that, it happens, but what i can do is trust that God wants what is best for me. well, that's all i wanted to really say i guess. i just encourage you guys that during your down times or when something not so happy happens to you, try and look for a way for something good to come out of it. i promise God always has something he wants to do with out lives whether we're on cruise control or hitting bumps in our road............i'm gone

a jamble of stuff

2004-11-28T17:23:00.000-08:00

yes, i am still alive and yes my melon is still functioning............here's what's on my mind righhhhht NOW. so i decided awhile ago that even though i'm of legal age and what not that i'm not going to drink anymore. it's been pretty easy being here at school for exactly that reason, i've been here at school, i'm not around it. well, i went home for thanksgiving break and hanging out with my friends from back home means hanging out at the bars or around the alky. i had offers to buy me a beer or whatever i wanted for my birthday but rather drank water everytime i was at the bar. of course some of my friends thought i was crazy, but you'll have that. i didn't give up havin a beer now and again because i necessarily think it's wrong, i gave it up because it's simply one of the things i feel God has asked me to give up in these past few months. a kind of sacrifice i guess and part of me growing up. i always used to make excuses for why i should drink and now it seems it's just as easy or easier to find an excuse not to, and i'm totally ok with that. i think this decision is gonna give me a good open door to share my faith with my friends, so i'd like to ask for prayer for that. ok, the main thing on my mind tonight was this..........i haven't had any real big "God" moments in my life in awhile, no real huuuuge revelations or what not, but for the first time in a looong while i find myself readin my bible and praying daily. i was thinkin about this over break. that's what being faithful is all about i think. i mean yes, having faith is believing in God and believing he'll answer prayers and protect us and everything else we as christians always seem to be asking for, but it's also this. i think it's continuing to do the little things in our walk with God even when he doesn't "move a mountain" or give us a huge revelation, or whatever we see as signs from him. like praying daily, reading our bible daily, and all the other things that sometimes just seem to fall to the wayside when we think God isn't speakin to us. it's doing those things in faith that we honor God. it's just like anything in life really. it's so simple to keep habits or disciplines when things are going well in your life or things are happening one after another that prove whatever you stand for or are working for, but it's doing those same things during the down times the prove true discipline and show our true character and heart. i don't know, i don't mean for this to sound preachy at all, but it's just what has been movin around in my heart and mind lately. it really hit me turning 22 this past week that i can't use the excuse that i'm still growing up or i'm just a kid anymore, because i'm not. i want to be known as a man of character and integrity and soooo much of that has to do with how you deal with life and handle things that come your way in the down times. i realize that God is my lifeboat when the sea of life gets a lil rough with me. just wanted to encourage you guys to remember that God always leave a rope danglin to pull you out of whatever mess your in, it's up to you to use it. k, so i just babbled a lot and i'm not really even sure any of that tied together at all, but oh well it's ok, i haven't rambled on here in awhile so deal with it.........hope everyone had a great thanksgiving week and has a good week...........i'm gone

no melon tonight, just summin on my heart

2004-11-01T19:41:00.000-08:00

so krys and i went to the cabin for the weekend. oh yea, my family has a cabin in the smokey mountains in the southeastern part of tenn. my grandparents are there for a week or so and i decided to go visit them for the weekend and krys came with. it was so good seeing the g-rents again and God knows i love them like crazy. and although i do love em to death, that's not what was on my mind at the end of the weekend. God used this weekend to show me his incredible awesomeness and imagination. God is like an artist so to speak. being up there this weekend really opened my eyes and said, look dustin, look what i created for you. right then and there while i was sitting at the top of the water fall, watching the water run over the edge and cascade down onto the rocks and seeing all the trees and their colors, and the edges of rock jutting out from the side of the mountain, i just thought, wow, you deserve so much more from me simply because you give me sooo much more than i, myself, deserve. ok, so God showed me how good he is to me by showing me all the beauty in those mountains but that wasn't the only thing he pointed out to me. i realized today when i was thinkin about it that this past weekend was really about me being humbled and realized how blessed i truly am. not only can i go to the cabin in a beautful place like the smokeys, but i have amazing, Godly grandparents to visit there, and i had the company of the most amazing and beautiful girl i've ever met. crazy how God does that sometimes. in one moment he hits you with a ton of things at once and i could do nothing but bow my heart and say thank you to him for it. just two months ago i didn't even know krystle, and now i can't really picture much without her being in my life. i know you're prolly gonna read this krys, you know i mean what i say :o)......so basically i was my awe of God was completely rejuvinated this weekend and it's great. ok, i said all that, but there is one other thing on my mind tonight and that's this. while those times in life where we are somewhere beautiful or people we care about more than words can explain are definitely awesome and treasured, we don't need them to see the beauty of our Father. God is in a sunset, a sunrise, a bright yellow tree in the autumn, a starry night, or a crystal clear lake on a moonlit night. so basically God is big enough, good enough, and beautiful enough to see his beauty anywhere we are. i just want to encourage you guys to stop and look around sometimes, you'll see it, actually, you'll see him. well that's about it, wow, i once again babbled on. hope you guys had an awesome weekend and have a great week. i'm gone.
"give thanks to the Lord for he is good, his love endures forever. he is my strength and he is my song, his love endures forever. i will proclaim what he has done, his love endures forever." S&S

not sure of my melon's flavor tonight..............

2004-10-27T22:25:00.000-07:00

for some reason tonight my mind is all over the place......hence the whole not sure of my melon's flavor analogy.......witty? yea i'm a dork i know. so today was a pretty good day, classes went well, weather was nice, tonight was beautiful, went to the volleyball game...yadda yadda yadda. now for some reason i sit back here in my room and my mind is bouncing from one thought to another, like my thoughts are a bunch of fragments i can't seem to turn into a sentence. this week has been kinda crazy for me but in a good way. ahhhh, i found one of those thoughts runnin around in my dome........do you guys ever have something on your heart or mind but you're never really sure to let it out or tell someone? i just want to encourage everyone to be real with others and yourselves. if there's something you need to tell someone, then tell them and trust that God will work things out. i've always struggled with this aspect in my life, ya know the whole putting the inner you out there for someone to see and the fear of getting ripped apart.........that's me. well i had such an instance. i decided to grow up and do it, so i prayed about it, for awhile i might add, and God didn't dissappoint me. now i know everyone has their lil secrets they don't wanna let out, but i think it's good and healthy to trust God and go out on the limb that he provides. even if there's a possibility of heartbreak or you not hearing what you wanted to hear, remember, the things in life that bring us the most joy most likely require some sort of sacrifice or risk. ummmmmmm................ok, can't really put a finger on any other thoughts. ohhhh yes, i'm going to tennessee, maybe with a companion or maybe not, but, I GET TO SEE MY GRANDPARENTS and stay at the cabin for two days, so i'm pumped. hope everyone has a great rest of the week and weekend. i'm gone

so my melon isn't empty after all...........

2004-10-13T20:23:00.000-07:00

wow, sorry it's been so long guys, crazy busy lately.......ok ok, so last weekend was pretty stinkin incredible. lil to no sleep at all, but great none the less. friday night i worked the junior high overnighter at my home church, got zero sleep whatsoever, but it was well worth it. seeing those kids goin up front and giving things in their life over to God was just incredible. i got to pray with a few of the guys that wanted to be an example to their families by their actions. my one lil friend dillon just started balling when i was talking with him, i haven't been moved like that in a long long time. i mean the kid is just like in 6th or 7th grade and to see his heart break like that broke mine. i think that's how God keeps our hearts spotless and together, by breaking them once in awhile ya know. those times are what we do ministry for, to see kids and adults alike see God and want affect others lives by showing them what God is doing in their lives, we should all be so lucky to have the heart of a moved child. so that night was just great. i came back here to school at around 8, slept from 8:30 ,in the morning of course, to about 1:50 in the afternoon. went to the vball game to support my girls, we won of course! then that night went to the soccer game with some lil lady. came back to the apt., made some killer yummy cookies then watched one of the greatest movies of all time, White Christmas! so yea we hung out/talked till like almost 4, then got up for first service at church back in K-town, so i got another 3.45 hours of sleep.....worth it of course.......soooo, what is God trying to teach into this thick skull of mine?.........right now he's teaching me patience and i think discernment, how to just give things to him and not worry, and prolly a ton of other things that would make me a more well rounded christian/person............of course the dummy i am, i'm really workin hard at all these things but i struggle constantly. i just have to keep prayer for his assistance and help. the issues of the heart that usually involve feelings are always the hardest to hand over aren't they?.........well, a bunch more stuff goin on in this melon of mine, but this isn't the place or time for all that junk inside here :o)........hope ya'll enjoyed my ramblings this evening. have a great end of the week. i'm gone.

another peak inside this melon of mine

2004-10-02T01:26:00.000-07:00

wow, i have these thoughts runnin through my head right now and for some reason i can't seem to snatch ahold of any one of them long enough to right about it. i guess we all have those times though huh. oh well. so the past two nights i've been out till past 3 talkin to this crazy lil girl i know. ok ok, krystle you get a shout out on my blog. gotta tell ya, everytime we're together, leavin at 3 seems like we're cuttin it short, i love it. so anywho, last night and tonight were great! tonight us fellas , ben, branden, collin, and i made some pimptight shirts. spent the whole night doin it, but it was well worth it. one thing i prayed about before i came here was that God would help me to get tight with some new friends here this year and he's totally blow away my expectations! i had no clue he'd work this fast, but i think God likes to surprise us sometimes to get our attention and to remind us he is listening and does care. i can say he answered another one of my prayers, but at the same time, i'm still not clear on why he's done it now and with this person. i tell you guys what, i like to think i'm pretty simple, but in my heart this situation has made me think more than any in quite a long time. i'm sure you guys have had similar situations. when this kind of thing happens i just want to encourage you guys to continue to seek God's guidance. tough, BELIEVE ME I KNOW! wow, tonight i did just ramble. must be the fact that i'm writin this at 3:40 in the morning. it happens. well, i'm goin to the matt wertz concert tmorrow night!!!!!! so i'm gonna head to bed, sleep till noon while krys you've been up for 6 hours or so already :o). hope everybody had a good week and has a good weekend. i'm gone

wonderful tonight

2004-09-29T23:25:00.000-07:00

so kyle, my cuz/roomy and myself sang tonight at open mic night. the whole experience in itself was really cool for me. i've been wantin to sing with kyle for a really long time now and it was just so awesome for us to finally get the chance. and yes i'd lie if i said i didn't like singing anyway, but the one thing i wanna say to you guys tonight is this......i'm sooo blessed with the friends/people God has placed in my life. it took us forever to sing tonight and i had sooo many people that came just to hear kyle and myself who stayed the whole two hours just waiting. i was actually blown away. i love those moments when God is just like check out what i do for you and then it hits you. tonight that happened with me, realizing God puts all these different people in my to help me get through not just the hard times, but the everyday grind of life, and the special times that you really want to share with them. so i just wanted to thank everyone that was there tonight, and thank God for blessing my life with the people that get me through all the things in my crazy world. they're a blessing today, tomorrow, and forever......so touching i know...yea yea......night everybody, hope you're havin a good week. i'm gone

lil more from my melon on this lovely night

2004-09-26T21:57:00.000-07:00

i just needed to get some stuff out tonight. talked to one of my best pals tonight about opening yourself up to someone (opposite sex) and then getting you're heart smashed. i just want to say that using the whole excuse of we weren't ever dating as a reason to just drop someone in order to move on to someone else or something is is straight bogus. then using excuses so you don't hurt that person, i think is wrong too.....even if you really just don't want to hurt them, it's better to tell the truth up front, cause it eventually comes out. i don't really know what else to say. i've been where my friend is now and i can truly empathise with him, but i still hate seeing him where he is now. i know there's no pain like pain of the heart. ya know that feeling you get when your feelings aren't returned by the person you have those feelings for.......i just know i want to be there for him whenever and no matter what. one thing that is kind of cool to see is when something like this does happen and you learn you have the maturity to take a step back from the situation and see that God put people in your life to help you through it. it's a sign of growing up and maturing in Christ. i just want you to know i see that in you Fatty B. and i'm glad i'm one of those people that gets to be here with you through it all, even tho it isn't the funnest of times. ya know guys, one thing i do hate about all this is the part of being the friend where you want the other person to just be ok and it now hurt, but hurt is part of life. God puts us through trials to make us stronger and then also to be able to understand our friends or others who are going through the same situation, that's when we become the tool in God's hand. ok ok, i've rambled enuff. once again, any comments, send them my way. love to read em. hope everyone had a great weekend and has a great week. i'm gone

this weeks quote from my melon

2004-09-26T19:35:00.000-07:00

"sometimes i wish you could read my mind. just to know the things i try to hide. to know how i feel and to know those feelings are real. here's me wishing i wasn't so afraid of feelings not returned....always afraid of getting burned" ME

mistakes from my melon

2004-09-21T23:20:00.000-07:00

i just wanted to write a lil bit of encouragement to all of you tonight. i'm just sitting here thinking about some mistakes i've made in the past and some mistakes my friends have made in the past and tonight even. God knows i've made sooo many mistakes in my life and i want you guys to know that this part of my life could possibly be my biggest roadblock or downfall in my walk with God and just developing and growing and a christian and person. so many times in my life i've tried to forgive myself, i've asked God for it and know he gives it to me, but for some reason i couldn't let this or that go. i truly think that is a ploy of satan. to make us doubt ourselves and see ourselves as less than we really are. now i'm not saying it's bad to be humble or that it's good to be cocky or full of ourselves, you guys know that. all i'm saying is when we don't forgive ourselves we're almost saying God, i don't care if you forgive me or not, i can't forgive myself. isn't that in a sense saying we're better than God? another thing is that when we doubt ourselves as christians then we can't truly be used to our maximum potential for Christ, which would be exactly what satan would want.......that little prick!....ok ok, i just wanted to tell you guys this. everyone struggles with forgiveness of themselves for things that have happened in the past, you're not the only one. i still struggle with it to this day, but it's when we realize that there's nothing we can do to change what has happened and that if God forgives us, then we ourselves should do the same, and that noone is perfect, christian or not, that is when we mature in faith and self and we enable ourselves to be fully effective christians and people. just remember, no matter how far you think you've walked away from God or distanced yourself from him.........he's always right over your shoulder. God is constant, our stupidy is not, our wisdom is not, WE are not..........all you have to do is turn around, tell God you're sorry from your heart and follow his lead. thanks to everyone who has always forgiven me when i couldn't forgive myself, i can only hope that through your example i can do the same for someone else sometime........wow, a lil thought turned into another rambling session, who woulda thought :o). night guys, i'm gone

back inside the melon

2004-09-19T14:39:00.000-07:00

just a quick thought....i went to encounter friday night, which is a worship service at my church that happens one friday night a month. well i was there and this thought just kind of popped into my head. i'm not sure about you guys, but as for me, i realized that so often i come into church or a worship service exptecting God to meet me there and give me this great worship experience. and granted, when we go into a service expecting God to show up and work, he does and we're blown away. do you guys ever think that even tho an expecting spirit is very good, maybe that's not what our original motive should be. while i was worshiping friday night, God just kinda slapped me and said, ya know dustin, i'm very pleased that you come here expecting me to show up through your faith, but aren't i good enough to you that you should just show up here expecting to worship your master? and i was like, wow, yea.....see guys, i think that maybe we should enter into worship with nothing more on our mind than not only bowing our knees, but more importantly our hearts and souls. simply submitting to the creator of every beautiful thing we can possibly imagine or see. i think it's when we do that, everything else falls into place. we can come into a worship service with bowed hearts, then through that we can expect God to show up or speak to us because we're showing/giving him reverence. i've always struggled with not worshiping for the experience or the feelings. i'm finally starting to realize that as we grow and mature as people and chritians that we hopefully also come to realize that we worship God for who he is, not what he does for us. well, that was just summin that was on my mind from friday night, i was still thinkin about it today, so i figured i'd write it and let you guys chew on that. holla back if ya gotta response or comment. i'm gone

quick trip home

2004-09-16T11:37:00.000-07:00

so my buddy Ben and I went to my house last night and my freaking dog forgot who i was! I've only been gone two weeks. He was scared senseless and wouldn't look at me. Needless to say i was hurt....:0(..........that's it, that's my sad story for the week. i'm gone

thoughts out of this crazy melon of mine

2004-09-14T22:10:00.000-07:00

Wow, Summit was great tonight once again. For all of you who don’t know what Summit is, here’s a little rundown. Summit is basically a three day conference thingy that we have here at IWU. The school brings in a speaker and someone to lead worship. We meet once during the morning and once during the evening Mon., wed., and fri. and great things always happen because everyone, or the majority of people, who are there come expecting God to move and he does. It’s the whole expectation thing because basically we put the limits on how good the service will be, it’s our minds and hearts that change, not God. But ok ok, I’m not talking about that. I just wanted to share with everybody what was going through my mind again tonight. I know you might be saying here we go again, he’s gonna ramble. Yep, I am. Two things were heavily on my mind tonight throughout the whole service, humility and being genuine. Funny I know because that wasn’t even the point of the sermon tonight, but oh well. Now back in the day (a few years ago) I used to think of myself as a pretty humble guy and I think even now for the most part I was, at least here and there. Well, I’ve been realizing a lot of things since I’ve been back here at school and one of them hit me tonight and it’s that I haven’t been a very humble person, definitely in the past year or so. I’m not really sure why or for what reason, mostly I think it’s because I got out of reading God’s word and asking him what he wanted me to do, and instead asking myself what I wanted to do and pouring my emotional energy into human relationships other than my relationship with God. I think we as humans tend to forget that when our relationship with God is good and we try to please him, our relationships with the people that really matter in our life are good too. If you really think about it, what is it that we really have to be proud about? We wear clothes that say A&F or that we can move weight on a machine, or that we play a sport good? Please don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying these are necessarily bad things because granted I do own the clothes, and lift the weight, and used to play sports good. It’s just wrong when we begin to think that those things make us more important or better than others. We’re all human and we will all answer to the same God. I will be the first to admit, pride is one thing I struggle with (among so many other things :op). But if we just keep ourselves in check and learn to put others before us, life is just so much more fulfilling. So I hope you guys will think about that and maybe ask yourself how prideful you really are, and then mull it over in your mind if it’s really worth it, I think you’ll find it isn’t. The other thing real quick about being genuine. I realized tonight that when I started becoming prideful in myself to a fault, I started actually blowing people off or at least not listening to or giving people the time they deserve or needed. I don’t know if you guys ever do this, but think about it. How do we feel when we get blown off or we’re spilling our guts to someone and we feel like they don’t really care? I know that I feel cared for when I think someone really is listening and cares. So just put that one away in the back of your mind to think about sometime too. How much do we really show people we care? I think sometimes humility and being genuine can go hand in hand. Ok, sorry I rambled again so much. Sometimes I just have like a billion thoughts run through my head and it’s tough to pin them down, ever happen to you? Oh well, hope everyone had a good day and has a great week. I’m gone

a lil on love from my melon

2004-09-12T18:03:00.000-07:00

Have you guys ever had a friend who was or you yourself have been in love and it didn’t work. My best friend dated this girl for about a year and a half and things were great. He fell crazy in love for this girl. Then after a time, she ended it. He was crushed and I being the best friend was there for everything, the whole hurt. I often found myself wondering why in the world anyone would ever want to take the chance of that happening, but then I began to think relationships are the same as most of the other important things in our lives. Most of the things that really matter or bring us the most joy in our lives require risk or putting ourselves out there. Even though I saw how bad he was hurting and how it affected his life, I was still jealous of what he had before. I don’t think I’ve ever told him that before, but I was. Even after seeing how it ended, he had something I had never had. I always tried to keep him up and encourage him throughout the grieving process and the not knowing why things happened the way they did. That’s where my next thought comes in. I can’t wait to meet my last love, whether that person is my first and my last, doesn’t really matter. Now I understand that when people are in love or think they are, they never imagine it won’t last. I’m just saying that if it doesn’t, try and think about this. There is going to be someone else who will be your last love, the last person you love (romantically of course), the person you’ll marry, and love forever. I think we can use our relationships that didn’t work out as learning blocks towards making us the person someone else will fall in love with for good. There’s just something different about love I think. I mean I guess I put it way up on this pedestal, but I think that’s ok. I’m a firm believer in the having a romantic relationship that is rooted in friendship first. Cause to me that person will become your best friend. Love isn’t just something we fall into and out of like a window. Rather it’s more like a two-way mirror, the longer we stare into it; the more we learn love everything about the other person. I don’t know, there is just something special about learning what that person cherishes or hate, what makes their heart race, or what gives them goose bumps when their not cold. Anyways, I, like many others I suppose, am excited about that time. The time when I can be surrounded by the night sky and falling stars and lack the ability to watch it because I’m too busy being blown away by the beauty, inside and out, of that person God has set apart for me. I’ll admit I struggle with letting things happen in God’s timing and giving this aspect of my life to him, but I’m trying. I encourage you guys to do the same. Well, I’ve rambled once again and probably made no sense. Sorry this stuff was just on my mind, so I thought I’d write it down and share it with you guys. If you have some thoughts let me know, love to hear them. Hope everyone had a great weekend and has a great week. I’m gone!

posted once, didn't work, try again

2004-09-12T01:53:00.000-07:00

i just wanted to say that i had a good day/night tonight and hope everybody else did too. won't get too deep tonight. oh yea, accountability is great, seems like no matter how hard i try to do something or how many times i say i'll do something, i can't ever do it on my own strength. so thanks to those people who keep me in check. you're a blessing from God. have a great sunday everybody.

A new year and a time for reflection

2004-09-10T23:51:00.000-07:00

First of all i'd like to thanks my buddy ole pal the lovely Lewkas Helm for inspiring me to start my own blog. Not to get too deep on the first entry, but i just wanted to say a lil bit about my first week back at school and some stuff that's been goin on in my heart and my head. Being back on campus has been really good for me considering my summer was probably the most boring one ever.(knee surgery)....Even just being here a week i've had a good amount of time to do what i think everyone needs to do in their life from time to time, and that's reflect upon the previous year, month, whatever and maybe look at things they want or need to change, or even things they liked about themselves and would like to grow or build upon. I found myself sitting in chapel this week and just really enjoying worship. Then it kind of hit me, i hadn't done it in quite sometime. i mean, i've sung at church this summer here and there, but worship had i not. i started thinking about things even more and i realized that this summer i'd been flaky at best. not just in the spiritual aspects of things, but just not wanting responsibility and being lazy. i think some of it had to do with me bein pathetic and feeling sorry for myself, then in turn using my knee as an excuse for evvvverything. anyways, to my point. point being that i've only been here a week and i realized that much. so there's no telling what you or i could learn if we just truly take a step back and ask ourselves where we are in life and where we want our life to be. ponder that, i've babbled enough for the first night. later pepes.